Anonymous asked: what do you know about quiet borderline?
Answer: I think “quiet borderline” is a problematic term because it separates people with BPD into “good borderline” and “bad borderline” categories. People with BPD are pressured into being a “quiet borderline,” even though being a “quiet borderline” can be really harmful to us. I think it’s a potentially abusive divider which silences people with BPD by placing them into categories while simultaneously making “quiet borderline” a desired state of being and something a person with BPD should be in order to be loved.
I think it’s important to differentiate symptoms which are externalized and internalized, but even then, I think people with BPD can vary in that we internalize some symptoms and externalize others. I don’t think any one person is truly “quiet” or “loud,” and so the terms are incredibly useless when instead you could just say you either externalize or internalize your symptoms.
About 70% of people with BPD have experienced abuse, and one common thing I’ve noticed from abusers is that they want their victims to be quiet. It was a common theme with me in my abusive relationships throughout my life. My abusers always wanted to find some way to silence me. Those experiences undoubtedly shaped my BPD into what it is today, so I think the pressure of being a “quiet borderline” is extra harmful.
Anonymous asked: Perhaps "quiet borderline" should be replaced with something like, "borderline primarily self-destructive subtype" or "less visible borderline" or "borderline with inward-directed energy".
Answer: I still don’t think people with BPD fit so easily into categories though. How self-destructive we are or how visible our symptoms are can depend on a variety of factors including environment, the specific symptom, trauma the person has experienced, etc. And many people switch back and forth between expressing their symptoms externally or internally. There is no “type” of BPD. It’s a spectrum, and we don’t fit into boxes. You either express a symptom externally or internally, and what’s going on in your life can determine how or when that happens.