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Post by Mea on Jan 19, 2016 14:44:07 GMT
I checked the horoscopes for the Chinese new year and my year is predicted to be stressful and my BPD ass is freaking the hell out because I can't handle another stressful year I'm literally having an anxiety attack lol
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Charlie
New Member
Charlie [they/she/he]
Posts: 56
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Post by Charlie on Jan 20, 2016 0:12:20 GMT
Weight TW
Failed again! I'm running out of time on the six months to get skinny
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Post by ilanna on Jan 20, 2016 4:46:03 GMT
sometimes i think about venting here but then i get too anxious about posting so i don't
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Post by Mea on Jan 20, 2016 7:51:19 GMT
sometimes i think about venting here but then i get too anxious about posting so i don't Totally valid! I was really just thinking the forum needed something for venting because that's how a lot of people use Tumblr? So I though, "Hm, how can I make the forum more attractive to Tumblr users?" and decided on a vent thread. Although it does feel more personal this way. Tumblr feels more like shouting into a void, whereas a forum feels more like shouting into a crowded room. But hey, it's a crowded room of fellow borderline people who are also occasionally shouting. ;) Not sure if this helps, but I wanted to let you know you're not the only one who feels anxious. <3
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 20, 2016 10:00:17 GMT
TW: language
Almost lost my partner today and am sick of how I feel so I made an appointment for counseling and meds. Been having repeated panic attacks all day about the possibility of losing my partner and the upcoming appointment. I feel so shorted-out right now. I can't sleep and wish I had someone to talk to but as usual, my friends are all AWOL. And lost what I thought was a new friend I made earlier this week because she decided to insist we hang out and when I agreed to it she ditches me? I mean what the fuck? Who does that? And it wasn't the first time either, and since me and my partner were already having a serious discussion about whether or not to end things, I just couldn't take that fucking shit and blocked her and told her to fuck herself. I at least didn't lose my partner, but I feel like I saw into the eyes of death and for a moment my entire life was falling apart and I just wanted to die.
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sas
New Member
Posts: 32
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Post by sas on Jan 20, 2016 15:55:01 GMT
I get so mad at my FP sometimes because I'm mostly deaf in one ear and he gets really frustrated at me like "I can't hear what you're saying" if I speak quietly or get angry if I accidentally say something really loud when we're arguing, or if I don't hear him speaking to me and like... It's not my fault?? And normally he's lovely about it and will tell people subtly to speak into my left ear and he always puts the subtitles on when we're watching movies but then sometimes he's just so... inconsiderate about it. idek.
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Post by Mea on Jan 20, 2016 18:42:47 GMT
tw: homophobia, q-slur
Splitting on a friend hardcore right now because she shared something on Facebook along the lines of "queer people hating straight people is the reason no one cares about their rights" etc. So I called her out, and she ended up liking my comments, but never actually came out and said she agreed with me. But now all her other friends are coming in and yelling at me and saying my attitude is making my situation worse and I'm like. No. You do not get to blame me for being angry at the fact straight people treat me like shit. You do not get to oppress me and get mad at me when I say it's bullshit. This is such bullshit I'm so fucking triggered and ready to delete this friend from my life forever over this
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Anna
New Member
Cisgender . She/her
Posts: 23
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Post by Anna on Jan 21, 2016 21:19:44 GMT
cw: abuse, ableism
I live with my abusive mother and while I'm used to her abuse, sometimes it gets too overwhelming. I haven't been doing too well on the mental health department but I still put up with everything because it'd be worse if I didn't. Yesterday it was a terrible day for me so I didn't do the dishes because I didn't have the energy to do them, I'd do the in the morning (today) when I had regain some energy after sleeping. Oh man, what a mistake. My mother came back home and got incredible angry at me for not doing the dishes, she started yelling and threatening me. She realized I wasn't paying attention to her (well, I was dissociating) so she got even angrier and started telling me stuff like "I do so much for you and you can't even wash the dishes" (you know, common abusive rhetoric). I tried to explain her that I was tired, that I'd do them the next day. I tried to explain her that I was exhausted and didn't have any energy left. Her ableist self, of course, started yelling me saying how I was just lazy, that she worked every day and she put through her chores too etc. I just sighed and my dissociation got worse and let her just scream at me until she eventually got tired.
I'm just so tired of this situation. I've been doing my chores everyday even when I was so mentally ill I could barely leave my bed without crying. The one day I didn't do ONE of the chores all hell breaks loose, but that's how abuse works, isn't it?
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 21, 2016 23:39:30 GMT
TW: language
After having a panic attack yesterday over the anticipation for my stupid appointment today with the psychologist my fucking car isn't starting and I had to reschedule for Sunday. And now I'm back to fucking panicking because I JUST WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH. Fuck.
[Edit] Also, all 3 of my fucking accounts are now frozen and overdrafted about 1K each. Rent is coming up on the 27th and still no job and I'm almost out of food, too. And the food stamps office keeps giving me the run around (for like the past 2 months). Now I'm freaking about about being homeless soon or starving, whichever comes first. Fuck, this day just gets better.
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Post by MarzipanAttack on Jan 22, 2016 4:56:04 GMT
I had a new experience today. Something emotional happened on a show I was watching and it wasn't really making me feel anything like normal. I wanted to feel a bit though so I kind of "opened" my "empathy jar", as I sometimes do, to let the feelings out and I almost threw up. Wtf is that about?
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bloo
New Member
Agender | They/Them
Posts: 15
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Post by bloo on Jan 22, 2016 13:10:50 GMT
TW: lots of talk about abuse
I lived with my mother for 12 years meaning I'd been "abused" for 12 years. I use quotation marks as I don't feel as if it was abuse but my sisters both believe it was. I don't know if it's my lack of emotional permanence or I'm just downplaying the situation but I honestly feel bad when people label what happened to me as abuse because it does not feel like it. And on top of that I keep having fantasies of being psychically abused either because I want attention or I want to be able to feel bad or maybe both. Either way I feel terrible about it.
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Vent Box
Jan 23, 2016 4:22:03 GMT
via mobile
Post by MarzipanAttack on Jan 23, 2016 4:22:03 GMT
My brother passed out and fell in the shower and now I'm in the emergency room because we are almost certain he has a concussion now. I may barf.
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Post by morethanmydiagnoses on Jan 23, 2016 20:31:35 GMT
My FP is busy so I'm going to be totally alone. all. weekend. Alone doesn't usually go so well for me.
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Charlie
New Member
Charlie [they/she/he]
Posts: 56
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Post by Charlie on Jan 24, 2016 13:55:31 GMT
this isnt even important but i had a question i wanted to ask in the questions board and ive entirely forgotten what it was, it's really bugging me now ugh
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Post by ilanna on Jan 27, 2016 4:25:45 GMT
cw: sexual abuse, abuse of children, eating disorders, self harm, substance abuse
i recently found out that a child that i work with was sexually abused. this has shaken me to the core. i dont know how to handle it. i just. i have no experience with this at all. none. no way to understand why this happens to children. thats just the tip of the iceberg of crap right now. everyone is commenting on my eating all the time, this not only is annoying as all hell but has triggered me to be so so aware of my intake. i have been doing so well, not purging, and eating really really well. but now i cant eat. so food has been a shitstorm for me lately. and my drinking has been getting out of control again too, as well as smoking pot even though my anxiety is always brutal the next day. i dont know if its january fucking with me or what. i feel like everything is getting real messy all at once...
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