Post by Mea on Jan 15, 2016 7:20:57 GMT
Anonymous asked: I read the FAQ but I'm not sure that you specifically answered this or not (sorry if you already did!) but what are some examples of a good therapist? I had one a while ago before I stopped taking meds and seeing a therapist (bad idea, going back soon) and she deliberately told me she doesn't believe I have BPD because it's "rare" and "fake". I need some examples of what a good therapist is because I need to know when I have one, y'know? Also this blog is incredible thank you all for making it.
Answer: I don’t think it’s anything we’ve extensively covered, mostly because there’s no way I can tell you how to spot a good therapist for you. I love my therapist, and she’s great for me, but she probably wouldn’t be great for everyone. Personalities can clash, and we all require unique treatments and approaches to those treatments. There’s really no way I can tell you what to look for in a therapist which is going to be great for you besides things like, “Make sure your therapist isn’t condescending towards you.”
If you haven’t seen it already, check out our link for Finding the Right Therapist.
Some other things to note are whether or not you actually agree with your therapist’s evaluation of certain disorders. For example, the fact your therapist thinks BPD is “fake” tells me they aren’t as great at their job as they think they are. I once had a therapist tell me my bisexuality was a symptom of my PTSD and that I shouldn’t claim to be bisexual until I got over my issues. Some of that just boils down to, “Is this therapist literally clueless, or do they seem like they actually earned their degree and their right to interact with patients?” Some therapists are ableist too.
My biggest point of advice is to trust your gut. If a therapist says something that seems sketchy to you, try finding a new one. A friend of mine had a therapist who couldn’t grasp the concept of microaggressions, and they thought that was weird and figured a therapist dealing with mentally ill people should be at least marginally socially aware, and sure enough that therapist turned out to just be really terrible for several other reasons.
Otherwise, I think the Finding the Right Therapist link covers most of the general information. After that, it’s up to you to decide which approaches to your treatment work best for you. You need to ask yourself if your therapist makes you feel comfortable and gives you confidence in your own treatment. Going to therapy shouldn’t stress you out. You should look forward to sessions rather than dread them, and you should leave sessions feeling relieved rather than drained.
-Mea
Just stepping in here to say I agree with what Mea has said. I do not know how it works outside of the UK but here you don’t have to be qualified to counsel someone. The best thing people in the UK can do is check that the counsellor/agency they are seeing is a BACP member who is either accredited or working towards that on a BACP accredited course.
The counsellor should always go over confidentiality and it’s limits with you and establish the contract in the first session. If they don’t do this I would be asking why.
Some counsellors/therapists will work with some people and not with others. But a good counsellor, regardless of this, will always try to work to your agenda and not pass any judgements of their own. Sometimes they may express something along the lines of “hearing this makes me feel quite angry for you, and I’m wondering how it effects you?”, but these disclosures are meant to be carefully considered and for your benefit.
Of course counsellors are human and will make mistakes, in which case I would consider discussing those mistakes with them. Their reaction to that discussion is probably more telling of whether they are a good counsellor than the mistake itself.
I think an important way of figuring out if this counsellor is for you is discussing in the first session what you want out of counselling and the subjects you might discuss. By discussing this your counsellor may realise that you might be best referred to another counsellor, a GP, or another Professional, and would then discuss that with you. Or they may discuss with you what they can do for you and you would then decide if you feel that is what you want or not. And by discussing subjects along the line of BPD, sexuality, gender etc. you’ll probably be able to tell if your counsellor is understanding of these things or not.
It’s ok if that counsellor isn’t quite right for you. Discussing this in the initial session helps you both establish if the working relationship is going to be beneficial.
This might be heavily UK based. I’m not sure exactly how it works outside of the UK but I’d imagine contracts, non-judgemental statements, and focusing on your agenda should be worldwide important things.
~ Vay
Answer: I don’t think it’s anything we’ve extensively covered, mostly because there’s no way I can tell you how to spot a good therapist for you. I love my therapist, and she’s great for me, but she probably wouldn’t be great for everyone. Personalities can clash, and we all require unique treatments and approaches to those treatments. There’s really no way I can tell you what to look for in a therapist which is going to be great for you besides things like, “Make sure your therapist isn’t condescending towards you.”
If you haven’t seen it already, check out our link for Finding the Right Therapist.
Some other things to note are whether or not you actually agree with your therapist’s evaluation of certain disorders. For example, the fact your therapist thinks BPD is “fake” tells me they aren’t as great at their job as they think they are. I once had a therapist tell me my bisexuality was a symptom of my PTSD and that I shouldn’t claim to be bisexual until I got over my issues. Some of that just boils down to, “Is this therapist literally clueless, or do they seem like they actually earned their degree and their right to interact with patients?” Some therapists are ableist too.
My biggest point of advice is to trust your gut. If a therapist says something that seems sketchy to you, try finding a new one. A friend of mine had a therapist who couldn’t grasp the concept of microaggressions, and they thought that was weird and figured a therapist dealing with mentally ill people should be at least marginally socially aware, and sure enough that therapist turned out to just be really terrible for several other reasons.
Otherwise, I think the Finding the Right Therapist link covers most of the general information. After that, it’s up to you to decide which approaches to your treatment work best for you. You need to ask yourself if your therapist makes you feel comfortable and gives you confidence in your own treatment. Going to therapy shouldn’t stress you out. You should look forward to sessions rather than dread them, and you should leave sessions feeling relieved rather than drained.
-Mea
Just stepping in here to say I agree with what Mea has said. I do not know how it works outside of the UK but here you don’t have to be qualified to counsel someone. The best thing people in the UK can do is check that the counsellor/agency they are seeing is a BACP member who is either accredited or working towards that on a BACP accredited course.
The counsellor should always go over confidentiality and it’s limits with you and establish the contract in the first session. If they don’t do this I would be asking why.
Some counsellors/therapists will work with some people and not with others. But a good counsellor, regardless of this, will always try to work to your agenda and not pass any judgements of their own. Sometimes they may express something along the lines of “hearing this makes me feel quite angry for you, and I’m wondering how it effects you?”, but these disclosures are meant to be carefully considered and for your benefit.
Of course counsellors are human and will make mistakes, in which case I would consider discussing those mistakes with them. Their reaction to that discussion is probably more telling of whether they are a good counsellor than the mistake itself.
I think an important way of figuring out if this counsellor is for you is discussing in the first session what you want out of counselling and the subjects you might discuss. By discussing this your counsellor may realise that you might be best referred to another counsellor, a GP, or another Professional, and would then discuss that with you. Or they may discuss with you what they can do for you and you would then decide if you feel that is what you want or not. And by discussing subjects along the line of BPD, sexuality, gender etc. you’ll probably be able to tell if your counsellor is understanding of these things or not.
It’s ok if that counsellor isn’t quite right for you. Discussing this in the initial session helps you both establish if the working relationship is going to be beneficial.
This might be heavily UK based. I’m not sure exactly how it works outside of the UK but I’d imagine contracts, non-judgemental statements, and focusing on your agenda should be worldwide important things.
~ Vay