Ok so I've been getting so much worse as of recently and my fp/best friend/roomie told me this morning if I don't go to therapy and get the help I need then I'm gonna be kicked out (I wouldn't be on the street she knows I have a reliable other place to stay if I needed) but I physically can't bring myself to do it? Like its a last straw for her to say that cause she even called me abusive which is true but I seriously just. Can't. Like I don't have the strength to do it like what the fuck am I supposed to do just make an appt and talk to the therapist? What the fuck? I physically can't fucking do that like. I can't talk about my problems it's not worth it, I don't deserve to, and also if I do then everyone's just gonna be like "ok ur better now" and then I won't have a right to complain or be sad ever again. Like even rn with how much I hurt people I just. Literally can't find it in me to go get help. She made me promise her a thousand times this morning that today id make an appt or whatever but I still haven't and I really can't find myself to do it. Like I'm just hoping she forgets about it because even with all this at stake and I know how much I hurt her and everything I still feel literally no motivation to do it I just can't take this step for myself because it's way too positive. I can't feel any positivity my mind is just a deep dark pit of negativity and I don't think there's anything that can pull me out
Post by morethanmydiagnoses on Jan 20, 2016 2:31:55 GMT
I totally understand what you mean about being afraid people will think you're better or supposed to be better. My therapist has had to promise me over and over that if I start behaving better she won't stop believing that I'm in pain. But the thing I like about therapy is that it gives me a place where I DO have a right to be sad and just complain about my life. The right therapist will meet you where you're at and won't force you to be positive until you're ready.
I second that. I stopped going to my therapist at the start of December because I felt like I was doing better, but she kept ringing me and telling me to come back in. She knew, after dealing with me, that this was just a false high and that things would deteriorate again. I'm so glad she did that, because things crumbled pretty soon afterwards and I, for lack of a better word, came crawling back.
Honestly, therapy is such a daunting thing to start, and the first few sessions will be a little touchy but once you get into it, it can really really help, even if it's just to have someone you can rant and shout around without feeling like you're going to ruin a relationship.
Tell them that! From what I know, that's actually a really common thing with BPD. I go through periods where even I think I'm lying or exaggerating or completely making it all up. I spoke to my therapist about it and she was very understanding.