Post by easycheeseman on May 19, 2017 14:13:01 GMT
hey! im noah (he/him)! i am diagnosed with OCD and depression (there might be some im forgetting, i also have memory problems lol). i was diagnosed with ADD at age 7 (parents always said that was a misdiagnosis so idk), i had a therapist try to diagnose me with aspergers (i think i was 14? not sure) but my parents had me stop seeing that therapist (i still believe i may be a-spec, but i am afraid to bring it up because i like my current therapist). i also have problems telling what is real (my therapist says this is from gaslighting by my parents). i also have trouble putting my thoughts together in ways that make sense, so feel free to ask about my wording or w/e so i can clarify.
i have recently discovered bpd and many of the symptoms sound similar to the problems ive had throughout life. this is especially true for the concept of a "favorite person" (fp?). throughout my life i have had intense and unhealthy obsessions with people, and until recently i perceived them as crushes. this made it hard for me determine my sexuality as i identify as gay and am only attracted to men, but many of these obsessions were with women, who i was friends with and not attracted to.
to further complicate matters i am transgender, something i do not always like to disclose. i identify 100% as a man, and i detest the concept of identifying myself as ftm, as it is far too close to "man in a womans body" and other such transphobic rhetoric. i am a man, i just happen to have a vagina. i successfully came out as trans two years ago, but i had attempted to come out to my mom a couple of times before. there was a point several years ago where i realized that i felt "more like a gay man than a straight woman," but i repressed this after one such failed attempt to come out to my mother.
i was not unfamiliar with repressing emotions, as by that time i had already started having violent intrusive thoughts. for much of my life i believed that i was a terrible person, and hid that by acting according to people around me .when i tried to explain this symptom to my mom, she said "everyone does that" (which she says a lot) but i dont think its true because i would change everything, adopting basic personality traits from other people. this made it very hard for me to express my opinion, because i didnt really let myself have opinions until i came out and decided to figure out how to "be myself," i would take opinions from my parents and personality traits from friends and fictional characters. im still getting the hang of it and even now, my opinions and emotions tend to be extremely polarized and i have severe difficulty expressing them.
i really want to learn more about bpd, and i want to meet people who maybe have similar issues, so feel free to talk to me!
i have recently discovered bpd and many of the symptoms sound similar to the problems ive had throughout life. this is especially true for the concept of a "favorite person" (fp?). throughout my life i have had intense and unhealthy obsessions with people, and until recently i perceived them as crushes. this made it hard for me determine my sexuality as i identify as gay and am only attracted to men, but many of these obsessions were with women, who i was friends with and not attracted to.
to further complicate matters i am transgender, something i do not always like to disclose. i identify 100% as a man, and i detest the concept of identifying myself as ftm, as it is far too close to "man in a womans body" and other such transphobic rhetoric. i am a man, i just happen to have a vagina. i successfully came out as trans two years ago, but i had attempted to come out to my mom a couple of times before. there was a point several years ago where i realized that i felt "more like a gay man than a straight woman," but i repressed this after one such failed attempt to come out to my mother.
i was not unfamiliar with repressing emotions, as by that time i had already started having violent intrusive thoughts. for much of my life i believed that i was a terrible person, and hid that by acting according to people around me .when i tried to explain this symptom to my mom, she said "everyone does that" (which she says a lot) but i dont think its true because i would change everything, adopting basic personality traits from other people. this made it very hard for me to express my opinion, because i didnt really let myself have opinions until i came out and decided to figure out how to "be myself," i would take opinions from my parents and personality traits from friends and fictional characters. im still getting the hang of it and even now, my opinions and emotions tend to be extremely polarized and i have severe difficulty expressing them.
i really want to learn more about bpd, and i want to meet people who maybe have similar issues, so feel free to talk to me!