Post by Mea on Dec 22, 2015 4:40:59 GMT
Anonymous asked: How do I tell new friends about my bpd and explain it's effects on my behavior and thoughts without scaring them away?
Answer: I have to do this all the time, both personally and professionally. Inevitably, it will be a balancing act of what you’re willing to explain and what you’d rather keep private.
To start, I try to explain what each thing if from the top to the bottom of the mental illness tree, so to speak; Mental Illness > Personality Disorders > Borderline PD. Where you start depends on your friend’s experience and understanding of mental illnesses and PDs. Initially, try to keep to the bare basics of what BPD is without getting too personal(You’ll get to that in a bit). I explain the symptoms, primarily focusing on the emotional regulation aspect, phrasing it with metaphors.
example: If emotions were a scale of 100, the average person experiences emotions with 40-70% severity, varying depending on the situation. I experience them from a 80-100% severity all the time.
Then I’d jump into other symptoms that personally affect me the most, like dissociation, fear of abandonment, and splitting. It’s easier said than done, but keep things generalized, don’t address your friend specifically right now because that may be taken as accusatory. Again, I tend to use metaphors because most people don’t understand what I’m experiencing.
Be sure to explain that you often have little to no control over what you’re experiencing, especially when it comes to the symptoms that involve others (splitting, abandonment things). People tend to get upset when you explain those aspect as if you yourself are deciding to treat them that way and assume that there are no outside circumstances to cause it (primarily, your bpd, and secondarily, the actions of others whether or not they were intentional).
If you feel comfortable and calm enough to talk about it, you can address the personal issues between you and your friend that’s affecting or triggering your bpd, if there are any issues that is. Reassure them that you’re still you, you’re just learning more about yourself, you would like to share these new things with them, and that you’re working on getting control over it, but that you need their support.
Lastly, I’d suggest researching it together, even if it’s just lightly. Try to stick to research that promotes the voices of people with bpd the most, it’ll help your friend learn that this affects many people and it’ll humanize the disorder. Many more clinical and neurotypical descriptions of the disorder stigmatize and dehumanize us.
Good luck!!
-kenzie
Answer: I have to do this all the time, both personally and professionally. Inevitably, it will be a balancing act of what you’re willing to explain and what you’d rather keep private.
To start, I try to explain what each thing if from the top to the bottom of the mental illness tree, so to speak; Mental Illness > Personality Disorders > Borderline PD. Where you start depends on your friend’s experience and understanding of mental illnesses and PDs. Initially, try to keep to the bare basics of what BPD is without getting too personal(You’ll get to that in a bit). I explain the symptoms, primarily focusing on the emotional regulation aspect, phrasing it with metaphors.
example: If emotions were a scale of 100, the average person experiences emotions with 40-70% severity, varying depending on the situation. I experience them from a 80-100% severity all the time.
Then I’d jump into other symptoms that personally affect me the most, like dissociation, fear of abandonment, and splitting. It’s easier said than done, but keep things generalized, don’t address your friend specifically right now because that may be taken as accusatory. Again, I tend to use metaphors because most people don’t understand what I’m experiencing.
Be sure to explain that you often have little to no control over what you’re experiencing, especially when it comes to the symptoms that involve others (splitting, abandonment things). People tend to get upset when you explain those aspect as if you yourself are deciding to treat them that way and assume that there are no outside circumstances to cause it (primarily, your bpd, and secondarily, the actions of others whether or not they were intentional).
If you feel comfortable and calm enough to talk about it, you can address the personal issues between you and your friend that’s affecting or triggering your bpd, if there are any issues that is. Reassure them that you’re still you, you’re just learning more about yourself, you would like to share these new things with them, and that you’re working on getting control over it, but that you need their support.
Lastly, I’d suggest researching it together, even if it’s just lightly. Try to stick to research that promotes the voices of people with bpd the most, it’ll help your friend learn that this affects many people and it’ll humanize the disorder. Many more clinical and neurotypical descriptions of the disorder stigmatize and dehumanize us.
Good luck!!
-kenzie