Post by Mea on Jan 5, 2016 1:12:58 GMT
Anonymous asked: Hi, I am not officially diagnosed with bpd, but every time I go over the symptoms every single one matches my personality. What I am asking is how do I talk to my parents about it? My mother is a therapist, but when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression she wouldn't believe me and got mad at me about it. What do I do?
Answer: I think the first thing that comes to mind for me here is:
Is it really fair of your mother to not believe your diagnosis and get mad at you for them?
Unfortunately being a therapist doesn’t mean someone is going to be understanding all the time especially when they aren’t in the therapist role and are rather in the role of mother or something similarly intimate.
I will advise you in a moment on how might be best to explain to close loved ones your diagnosis but first I want to ask, is talking to your parents the best thing for you right now if your mother reacted like this last time about a diagnosis? That’s not a trick question. It’s for you to answer. In your own time. It might be you need to think over it first and won’t have an immediate answer.
When it comes to telling family and/or friends about a potential diagnosis I think it’s good to have some reliable sources (that won’t be biased against those with personality disorders) to share with them. It can seem like a lot at first when you explain the diagnosis to people so having some information to read over at their own pace is valuable for informing them. You could use this blog’s FAQ, MIND’s description (I like MIND because they are unbiased and empathetic), or anything else you might find that you find particularly speaks to you and what you experience. You could also recommend The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide if they feel like reading a book!
I would also reserve some time in order to speak to them about it. If you know you are all going to be around in the evening and relatively free, for example, maybe ask if they could spare an hour for you to talk to them about something important to you. That way no one feels rushed to go off and do chores or to work, and you can spend your time explaining and answering questions if you need to. It puts less pressure on you to quickly explain your situation as well.
Print off Mea’s Diagnostic Checklist maybe and talk through it with them. Explaining how you feel you fulfill the requirements the checklist asks for. Point out the part about the information being taken from the DSM-5 so they recognise this is all official diagnostic criteria and information.
Your parents will probably want to know what you will do next with the information and that’s entirely up to you. You might require help from a therapist, want to get a professional diagnosis, require support from them in moving forward, and/or might not know but just want to air the information to them first before thinking of that step. Think a little about what your intentions are with the diagnosis and in telling your parents so if they ask (which I’m almost positive they will) you’ll know what to say.
If they bring up you having depression and anxiety and they don’t believe you can have something else as well you can point out that depression and anxiety are very commonly co-morbid with BPD and that by getting a diagnosis and/or help for this it will help your depression and anxiety at the same time.
Self-care is an important part of this as well. If things don’t go well it would be good for you to know what you can go and do afterwards in order to calm yourself down and cope. Also essential beforehand also as I know personally for myself telling people big news can make my anxiety eat me up inside. Think of ways to take care of yourself. You will know these ways best but music, emotive media, mindfulness, pets, and such are what I can think of off the top of my head.
And good luck. It’s a brave step you are thinking of taking. If it helps, you can always message us after this step for validation and/or further help if you need it.
~ Vay
Answer: I think the first thing that comes to mind for me here is:
Is it really fair of your mother to not believe your diagnosis and get mad at you for them?
Unfortunately being a therapist doesn’t mean someone is going to be understanding all the time especially when they aren’t in the therapist role and are rather in the role of mother or something similarly intimate.
I will advise you in a moment on how might be best to explain to close loved ones your diagnosis but first I want to ask, is talking to your parents the best thing for you right now if your mother reacted like this last time about a diagnosis? That’s not a trick question. It’s for you to answer. In your own time. It might be you need to think over it first and won’t have an immediate answer.
When it comes to telling family and/or friends about a potential diagnosis I think it’s good to have some reliable sources (that won’t be biased against those with personality disorders) to share with them. It can seem like a lot at first when you explain the diagnosis to people so having some information to read over at their own pace is valuable for informing them. You could use this blog’s FAQ, MIND’s description (I like MIND because they are unbiased and empathetic), or anything else you might find that you find particularly speaks to you and what you experience. You could also recommend The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide if they feel like reading a book!
I would also reserve some time in order to speak to them about it. If you know you are all going to be around in the evening and relatively free, for example, maybe ask if they could spare an hour for you to talk to them about something important to you. That way no one feels rushed to go off and do chores or to work, and you can spend your time explaining and answering questions if you need to. It puts less pressure on you to quickly explain your situation as well.
Print off Mea’s Diagnostic Checklist maybe and talk through it with them. Explaining how you feel you fulfill the requirements the checklist asks for. Point out the part about the information being taken from the DSM-5 so they recognise this is all official diagnostic criteria and information.
Your parents will probably want to know what you will do next with the information and that’s entirely up to you. You might require help from a therapist, want to get a professional diagnosis, require support from them in moving forward, and/or might not know but just want to air the information to them first before thinking of that step. Think a little about what your intentions are with the diagnosis and in telling your parents so if they ask (which I’m almost positive they will) you’ll know what to say.
If they bring up you having depression and anxiety and they don’t believe you can have something else as well you can point out that depression and anxiety are very commonly co-morbid with BPD and that by getting a diagnosis and/or help for this it will help your depression and anxiety at the same time.
Self-care is an important part of this as well. If things don’t go well it would be good for you to know what you can go and do afterwards in order to calm yourself down and cope. Also essential beforehand also as I know personally for myself telling people big news can make my anxiety eat me up inside. Think of ways to take care of yourself. You will know these ways best but music, emotive media, mindfulness, pets, and such are what I can think of off the top of my head.
And good luck. It’s a brave step you are thinking of taking. If it helps, you can always message us after this step for validation and/or further help if you need it.
~ Vay
