Post by Mea on Jan 5, 2016 1:43:18 GMT
Anonymous asked: So my therapist now completely invalidated me and said I don't have abandonment issues when I do. And she said therefore I can't be borderline. (I have been told by health professionals that I am very likely borderline) and she's making assumptions about this and we haven't even known each other long. What should I do? Should I tell her I feel invalidated? I don't want to sound like I'm looking for a diagnosis because I'm not, I just don't want her to diagnose me before she even knows me.
Answer: The ideal relationship between a mental healthcare professional is one in which the patient can tell the professional anything without judgement, and the professional keeps their personal feelings and biases out of the relationship.
This is a unicorn, in my opinion. Everyone agrees that it’s very good, but it doesn’t really exist. Professionals are still people, and they can still make mistakes, be very unprofessional, or be bigoted or ignorant in general. You need to think of them as real people who potentially have real authority over you, in terms of diagnosis, treatment, and even hospitalisation. These can all be very good in the right hands, or very bad in the wrong hands.
If you’re jumping on every horse (seeing a therapist) expecting them to be a unicorn (a perfect professional), you’re going to get thrown off or kicked a few times. So it’s better to approach with caution. Make sure they really know what they’re doing and take your safety seriously before you trust them.
I don’t want to scare people away from professional treatment because it can and does work for many, many people. I just want to acknowledge that the medical world is ableist and difficult to access. Sometimes we need to keep our mouths shut or outright lie to get treatment that we honestly deserve. If you’re seeing a shitty therapist because it’s your only option, I’m right there with you and I support what you do to get what treatment you can from them (as long as you’re not hurting anybody, shitty therapists aren’t worth that).
For what it’s worth, she was totally wrong. No symptom of BPD, including abandonment issues, is necessary for diagnosis. I actually have the opposite problem, anon - multiple professionals have dismissed my anger with them as splitting due to fear of abandonment, even though I don’t have that symptom. More professionals who think that BPD = abandonment!
It’s also totally wrong and unprofessional of her to tell you how you feel. That can be really devastating for people with BPD. I can relate, I’ve had professionals ready to diagnose me after one session. It’s ridiculous that they believe they get a full picture of a person in such a short time. It’s literally impossible to know someone that fast. I know it makes me feel really invalidated as a person, like they think I have no depth, no range of experience.
I don’t know whether you reported your abandonment issues or not, but it’s her job to explore that concern with you and listen to what you say about it, not to tell you how you feel. If you did report, maybe she misunderstood what you were saying, or didn’t believe it was as bad as it is. Examples of your abandonment issues in your actual life might help demonstrate how they affect you.
If you’re very uncomfortable with her or unhappy with the treatment she’s offering you, consider whether seeing another therapist is an option. You may also want to look into support groups, other mental health professionals such as a support worker, and/or self-help (the FAQ can give you a push in the right direction there).
I hope you find a way to safely achieve your treatment goals, anon.
- Exo
Answer: The ideal relationship between a mental healthcare professional is one in which the patient can tell the professional anything without judgement, and the professional keeps their personal feelings and biases out of the relationship.
This is a unicorn, in my opinion. Everyone agrees that it’s very good, but it doesn’t really exist. Professionals are still people, and they can still make mistakes, be very unprofessional, or be bigoted or ignorant in general. You need to think of them as real people who potentially have real authority over you, in terms of diagnosis, treatment, and even hospitalisation. These can all be very good in the right hands, or very bad in the wrong hands.
If you’re jumping on every horse (seeing a therapist) expecting them to be a unicorn (a perfect professional), you’re going to get thrown off or kicked a few times. So it’s better to approach with caution. Make sure they really know what they’re doing and take your safety seriously before you trust them.
I don’t want to scare people away from professional treatment because it can and does work for many, many people. I just want to acknowledge that the medical world is ableist and difficult to access. Sometimes we need to keep our mouths shut or outright lie to get treatment that we honestly deserve. If you’re seeing a shitty therapist because it’s your only option, I’m right there with you and I support what you do to get what treatment you can from them (as long as you’re not hurting anybody, shitty therapists aren’t worth that).
For what it’s worth, she was totally wrong. No symptom of BPD, including abandonment issues, is necessary for diagnosis. I actually have the opposite problem, anon - multiple professionals have dismissed my anger with them as splitting due to fear of abandonment, even though I don’t have that symptom. More professionals who think that BPD = abandonment!
It’s also totally wrong and unprofessional of her to tell you how you feel. That can be really devastating for people with BPD. I can relate, I’ve had professionals ready to diagnose me after one session. It’s ridiculous that they believe they get a full picture of a person in such a short time. It’s literally impossible to know someone that fast. I know it makes me feel really invalidated as a person, like they think I have no depth, no range of experience.
I don’t know whether you reported your abandonment issues or not, but it’s her job to explore that concern with you and listen to what you say about it, not to tell you how you feel. If you did report, maybe she misunderstood what you were saying, or didn’t believe it was as bad as it is. Examples of your abandonment issues in your actual life might help demonstrate how they affect you.
If you’re very uncomfortable with her or unhappy with the treatment she’s offering you, consider whether seeing another therapist is an option. You may also want to look into support groups, other mental health professionals such as a support worker, and/or self-help (the FAQ can give you a push in the right direction there).
I hope you find a way to safely achieve your treatment goals, anon.
- Exo
