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Post by Mea on Jan 14, 2016 6:18:00 GMT
Sometimes, you just need a place to vent. Feel free to let it out here!
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Post by euphoricalmyth on Jan 16, 2016 21:32:08 GMT
i don't know if its my new medication or just the track my life has been taking but i am having some suicidal ideations, nothing as extreme as planning but i am wondering if that would make things better but then i always make myself stop thinking that way because its a selfish thought. i just feel too overwhelmed and i have lost so many friends in the past 2 weeks and i am lost and sad, so sad, sometimes i look forward to my manic episodes
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Post by Mea on Jan 17, 2016 13:54:55 GMT
I have no idea what I've said done to lose two friends in the past few months, and I'm trying very hard to respect their right to cut off contact me without warning (because I get they have anxiety and stuff so confrontation could put them in a bad place emotionally), but I sure wish I had some confirmation because their reasons could be anything from "our personalities clash" to "Mea is a horrible person." So of course my BPD is assuming the latter.
And then I bring up my fears to other friends, they act like these people don't even hate me, and I'm reading too much into it. But like last night I was at a get-together, and this girl interrupted my conversation with another person to hug them bye and when I tried telling her bye, she just straight up ignored me and then left, and I have no idea how else I'm supposed to interpret that. But no, since i"m psychotic, it must just be delusions and it's like. When am I being rational and when is it delusions?? It's hard. All I know is I feel like everyone secretly hates me, and it's only a matter of time before everyone else abandons me, and the worst thing is that I have no idea what I did wrong, so I have no means of preventing it from happening.
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Post by ananke on Jan 18, 2016 0:09:20 GMT
TW: abuse, stalking, doctors
Aside from actually having some kind of legal recognition my ex stalked/abused me, is there any way to bill them for my dental work and therapy? This TMJ is so effing painful. Also, hypervigilance sucks. It'd be really nice to know what relaxed felt like.
(For anyone wondering, the link is: abuse > stress > grinding/clenching teeth > TMJ)
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Vent Box
Jan 18, 2016 3:31:56 GMT
via mobile
Post by MarzipanAttack on Jan 18, 2016 3:31:56 GMT
I'm still not positive on how to tag stuff but TW/CW: alcohol mention I keep getting really really drunk to try and deal with everything I'm feeling. Tonight is no exception. I'm not an alcoholic though because I need another person with me to drink. Edit: I'm pretty fucking drunk now and I'm kinda regretting it but I also feel really great so it's  ? Also thank goodness for autocorrect right? |
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 18, 2016 6:26:53 GMT
TW: alcohol, self harming, suicidal ideation, language MarzipanAttack I would love to join you drinking and I'm sorry I didn't see your message until 2 hours later. I'm pretty fucking drunk right now, myself. All day today, not a single fucking person to talk to and my partner hasn't been online or even bothered to tell me why despite knowing what random disappearances without warning does to me. Oh well. I started drinking and took several hydroxyzine (antihistamine to act as a sedative) so I can just pass out as soon as possible. I've been scratching myself pretty deep digging my nails into my skin until it bleeds and ripping my hair out, which is why I took the pills and started drinking, so I can stop. I hate only having all of 2 friends and a partner. All of which are always fucking unreliable. Fuck people. |
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Vent Box
Jan 18, 2016 6:49:19 GMT
via mobile
Post by MarzipanAttack on Jan 18, 2016 6:49:19 GMT
TW: alcohol, self harming, suicidal ideation, language MarzipanAttack I would love to join you drinking and I'm sorry I didn't see your message until 2 hours later. I'm pretty fucking drunk right now, myself. All day today, not a single fucking person to talk to and my partner hasn't been online or even bothered to tell me why despite knowing what random disappearances without warning does to me. Oh well. I started drinking and took several hydroxyzine (antihistamine to act as a sedative) so I can just pass out as soon as possible. I've been scratching myself pretty deep digging my nails into my skin until it bleeds and ripping my hair out, which is why I took the pills and started drinking, so I can stop. I hate only having all of 2 friends and a partner. All of which are always fucking unreliable. Fuck people. Yo, I'm still going strong over here. I'm 115 lbs and like5-6 shots of vodka deep so I'm pretty toasty right now. I'm going to be drinking more for sure tonight. If there is some form of communication you'd want to talk through semi-regularly or whatever I'm totally down. I have few friends and no job, meaning 99% free time everyday. Hit me up. |
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 18, 2016 7:28:40 GMT
Yo, I'm still going strong over here. I'm 115 lbs and like5-6 shots of vodka deep so I'm pretty toasty right now. I'm going to be drinking more for sure tonight. If there is some form of communication you'd want to talk through semi-regularly or whatever I'm totally down. I have few friends and no job, meaning 99% free time everyday. Hit me up. Sure, I sent you a PM. |
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sas
New Member
Posts: 32 
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Post by sas on Jan 18, 2016 8:48:21 GMT
TW: drug use
I broke my ten months drug-free streak on Saturday and had a nervous breakdown in a bar because some guy kept touching my face and my arms when my BF wasn't looking and it wasn't even fun, or one of my weakness drugs, but now I feel like all of my hard work over the last year is good for nothing.
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Post by Mea on Jan 18, 2016 9:56:17 GMT
TW: drug use I broke my ten months drug-free streak on Saturday and had a nervous breakdown in a bar because some guy kept touching my face and my arms when my BF wasn't looking and it wasn't even fun, or one of my weakness drugs, but now I feel like all of my hard work over the last year is good for nothing. One fallback doesn't mean your last year has been for nothing! When you learn to snowboard, you start to fall less. But if you end up getting really good at end and go a while without falling and then suddenly bust your ass, it doesn't mean you're not longer good at snowboarding. You just fell once. Recovery doesn't mean you're never going to have setbacks. <3 My vent: Can people please stop yelling at me for a book I didn't write. The DSM is shit! I know! That's not something I control! :( |
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sas
New Member
Posts: 32
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Post by sas on Jan 18, 2016 10:00:57 GMT
TW: drug use I broke my ten months drug-free streak on Saturday and had a nervous breakdown in a bar because some guy kept touching my face and my arms when my BF wasn't looking and it wasn't even fun, or one of my weakness drugs, but now I feel like all of my hard work over the last year is good for nothing. One fallback doesn't mean your last year has been for nothing! When you learn to snowboard, you start to fall less. But if you end up getting really good at end and go a while without falling and then suddenly bust your ass, it doesn't mean you're not longer good at snowboarding. You just fell once. Recovery doesn't mean you're never going to have setbacks. <3 This was so helpful. Thank you so much!  |
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Charlie
New Member
Charlie [they/she/he]
Posts: 56
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Post by Charlie on Jan 18, 2016 19:52:54 GMT
my ability to cope with absolutely everything and anything gets lesser every day
i feel like screaming and crying and i dont know why
thanks god i hate everything
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 18, 2016 20:49:06 GMT
my ability to cope with absolutely everything and anything gets lesser every day i feel like screaming and crying and i dont know why thanks god i hate everything I'm in that same boat. Most people are supposed to be making progress, but I feel like I'm just taking steps backwards and getting worse. |
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Anna
New Member
Cisgender . She/her
Posts: 23
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Post by Anna on Jan 18, 2016 21:44:56 GMT
Cw: anxiety, dissociation.
I feel I'm going to lose my entire mind right now. I have a job interview tomorrow for a position I don't think I'm fully qualified for but I still applied to it because my family is pressuring me to get a job and... god, this is taking a huge toll on my mental health. I have severe anxiety and my bpd is only making it worse like. I'm dissociating to no end, I keep imaging the worst case scenario, my paranoia is draining me and I keep worrying about the fact that I'm going to have an anxiety attack tomorrow or I'm going to dissociate in the middle of the interview and the person is going to kick me out and I'm going to die.
Fun times.
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Charlie
New Member
Charlie [they/she/he]
Posts: 56
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Post by Charlie on Jan 19, 2016 13:15:37 GMT
ED / Weight / Death TW
Goddammit I want to be thin
"but you'd die from those methods" i dont care i need control
i need to buy scales i keep meaning to but i keep wasting my money on stuff like food (fuckingn bulimia problems)
make me thin goddammit i want to die!! i dont care!! about!!! anything else
i will be thinner for prom :-)
of course knowing me i wont actually be, but come on, ill imagine it
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