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Post by Mea on Jan 27, 2016 14:26:54 GMT
cw: abuse mention
This time last year, I was completely broke, had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and had no plans for my future whatsoever as my previous long-term plans had gone completely out the window. Today, I'm going with my boyfriend and he's buying his first house, and we're going to live there together. I'm going to live in an owned home (while not in my name will still be MY HOME) in my 20s, in this piece of shit economy. Life is weird and kinda exciting.
vent #2 cw: violence mention
Honestly one of my main problems with people asking for advice on the SBD tumblr is that most of the time it's people asking for advice for dealing with horrible people, and I just want to tell them, "PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE" but I... probably shouldn't do that... heh.
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 27, 2016 16:03:14 GMT
I ended up going to my intake appointment last Sunday and it was very awkward and stressful. Without even letting me know or asking me, they decided to add a second person to my intake interview and I felt cornered the entire time. During the entire interview I couldn't stop shaking and digging my nails into my hand, or even look either of them in the eye. And I kept struggling to even speak. Then they said to call some other number because they can't really help me (which I assume is because I mentioned I have BPD on the form so now they're playing hot potato with me or something), so I just got up without and word and left. I immediately had a break down on the way home and passed out at home the rest of the day.
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Anna
New Member
Cisgender . She/her
Posts: 23
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Post by Anna on Jan 27, 2016 21:32:09 GMT
cw: splitting
I'm splitting on my friends so hard today because I feel miserable and how dare they do something else when I'm suffering. I've tried to reassure myself thinking that they still love and care about me, they're just doing whatever they're doing because they have a life without me, but my brain's gotta do what it needs to do to make me feel like garbage. But then, I can't stop thinking how I'm always there for them when they need me even when I feel bad or when I'm struggling. I always set my issues aside for them but they never do the same for me, I feel used.
So whatever, let's split and seethe with rage till I manage to calm down.
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Jan 28, 2016 2:56:08 GMT
cw: splitting I'm splitting on my friends so hard today because I feel miserable and how dare they do something else when I'm suffering. I've tried to reassure myself thinking that they still love and care about me, they're just doing whatever they're doing because they have a life without me, but my brain's gotta do what it needs to do to make me feel like garbage. But then, I can't stop thinking how I'm always there for them when they need me even when I feel bad or when I'm struggling. I always set my issues aside for them but they never do the same for me, I feel used. So whatever, let's split and seethe with rage till I manage to calm down. I actually came on here to say this exact same thing. So I'm on the same boat as you. I still haven't heard back from my partner and it's been like 2 weeks now. And I have like 13 people in my contact list, but what do you know, all are busy, lol. People are so quick to use you when they feel like crap, but when you feel like crap, screw you, right? Assholes.
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Jael
New Member
She/Her
Posts: 18
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Post by Jael on Feb 2, 2016 6:03:52 GMT
CW: language, italics
Getting unreasonably upset over this so I thought I'd use this space to get it off my chest and hopefully complaining will help?
I spent a few hours yesterday setting up and formatting a form for work that one of the guys out the back had asked me for. This morning I came into work to find that someone that I work with has decided to undermine my efforts by scrapping my form and making his own to serve the exact same purpose. Despite the task being so far from in his job description. Despite the fact that I had already done it. Despite the fact that the guys out the back wanted me to do it. Despite the fact I did a fucking good job the first time. It looked great.
I'm just so angry and I don't know how to cope with my anger so I'm just leaking emotions everywhere? Not that that makes sense.
Ugh.
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Feb 2, 2016 20:05:42 GMT
Looks like I'm going to be homeless by tomorrow evening for sure.
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Anna
New Member
Cisgender . She/her
Posts: 23
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Post by Anna on Feb 4, 2016 21:10:22 GMT
cw: ableism
Why do non-psychotic people think is acceptable to say "creepy", "weird", "scary" when you build up the courage to tell them about your hallucinations? Like lmao, why are they like that.
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Post by Mea on Feb 5, 2016 0:14:10 GMT
Pretty sure I'm not going to land this part I auditioned for because I don't have the same theatre experience as everyone else who was lucky enough to attend high schools with drama clubs and lived in cities where there were frequent shows and opportunities. Like, I am from rural Alabama. I'm very new to this, but I know I have great stage presence, and I know I'm charismatic, and if these guys would just give me a chance, I know I'd be better than these experienced people, but I probably will never be regarded as an equal because I'm 24 and have only been in a handful of productions.
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Post by ananke on Feb 5, 2016 11:14:02 GMT
tw: stalking 99% sure my ex found another social media account, which yet again means informing my friends they are probably still being watched too so tired of this. Would love not to be stalked any more tbh
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Feb 8, 2016 22:02:17 GMT
TW: Suicidal Ideation, Self Harm
Ended up homeless on the 3rd and have been sleeping on the streets since then. Got no friends or family to depend on and my partner has pretty much abandoned me. Urge to want to kill myself has been getting pretty strong and I keep thinking of different ways to do it. Ended up ripping some of my hair out and scratching my arms and face and punching a wall until I fractured my right hand. Wish I would just die already.
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Post by Vulpes Demonica on Feb 10, 2016 8:12:55 GMT
Lost my partner, too, just now. In the span of one month I lost my stuff, my home, and now my mate. FML
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Jael
New Member
She/Her
Posts: 18
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Post by Jael on Feb 11, 2016 4:04:57 GMT
Lost my partner, too, just now. In the span of one month I lost my stuff, my home, and now my mate. FML I'm so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me.
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Post by Mea on Feb 11, 2016 19:16:14 GMT
Pretty sure I'm not going to land this part I auditioned for because I don't have the same theatre experience as everyone else who was lucky enough to attend high schools with drama clubs and lived in cities where there were frequent shows and opportunities. Like, I am from rural Alabama. I'm very new to this, but I know I have great stage presence, and I know I'm charismatic, and if these guys would just give me a chance, I know I'd be better than these experienced people, but I probably will never be regarded as an equal because I'm 24 and have only been in a handful of productions. Didn't get the part, even though I know for a fact I was the only person who auditioned for the role. AMAZING. They hated me so much that they cast someone who didn't even audition. And maybe my paranoia is kicking in, but the whole casting choice seems so sketchy honestly. 1) The girl who got the part is a good friend of the director's. 2) I was staying with this girl when I did my audition, and she filmed it and sent it in for me to her friend, the director. Which I know she didn't sabotage or whatever, but I do wonder if she said something bad about me to the director. I suspect this because she says negative things about all of her other friends? Like she's about to move in with this girl and all she does is complain about her, and they haven't even moved in together yet. Her new BFF, the director, is also someone she's complained about to me. And it's like. She's all buddy-buddy with people and then talks shit about them, so obv I assume she talks shit about me as well? Especially for her to suddenly get the part I auditioned for. 3) The girl who got the understudy for the MAIN ROLE is the ROOMMATE of the same director, and I saw her audition, and it was really horrible honestly? I didn't think she was going to get a part at all, and she got a chorus role as well as being the understudy for the main role. Meanwhile, two auditions I saw which were great didn't get parts at all? Overall, odd casting choice, and I'm definitely suspecting people of playing favorites. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is really good friends with most of them (he got the main role, actually) so I feel like I can't bring this up with him because then I'll be dissing his friends. But even he thinks the casting choice is weird and is shocked I didn't get the role for which I auditioned. And thinks the girl they did chose is a super weird choice, but he's also the type not to question anything and roll with it, but obv he wouldn't because he got the role he wanted anyway so he has no reason to be upset.
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Anna
New Member
Cisgender . She/her
Posts: 23
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Post by Anna on Feb 12, 2016 2:35:13 GMT
cw: paranoia, abandonment fears
I have this friend I've been getting closer to and it's great because we have a lot of things in common and we try to understand and support each other when we're having a bad time but... I'm terrified I'm going to ruin this in some way. I told her this afternoon if she wanted to read a book about bpd so she could understand me better and my illness and she was happy to do so but now I'm terrified she's gonna read it and decide she wants to put an end to our friendship because I'm too fucked up for her.
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Post by Katherine on Feb 13, 2016 4:55:26 GMT
I was put on this earth to suffer. My fp called me abusive and she hates spending time with me but we live together. My ex is a stalker. My adhd is really bad and I am doing horribly in my classes. I have no passion for anything, no talent, no "calling". I'm disgusting and ugly. I'm a completely worthless human being. I don't have a purpose on earth. G-d put me here to suffer. He hates me and enjoys putting me through pain. I'm a disappointment to my parents. I have my first therapy appt Tuesday but it's not going to help or do anything. He's either gonna kick me out or try and commit me
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