Post by Kit Fancyphobic on Jan 15, 2016 6:58:37 GMT
I wasnt sure if this was too heavy for the general discussion bit but yeah. #toxic relationships #swearing
I've been notoriously bad at dating. I'm on the aromantic spectrum and in the past the only people I've felt strong enough attraction to to want to date are my FPs, which was incredibly toxic. I dated someone I didnt fancy at all to make my ex-FP jealous, he led me on, lied to me, manipulated me, ended up fucking the person I had dated (after we broke up), and then told me to never speak to him again. So there's that, which adds to the intense fear of abandonment/replacement.
Another thing that worries me was the idea that I could only be romantically attracted to my FPs (i'm soft-romo attracted to my current one, but we've decided not to date). The person I'm currently dating (3 months, go me!!) is lovely but not a FP. I care about them deeply but half the time I'm worried I'm faking my emotions and half the time I'm worried they are and are gonna leave me because I'm Too Much. (they're very internal, i'm very external).
I don't really know where I was going with this but basically there's a shitton of baggage and this is A. my longest relationship to date and B. my first relationship while being aware of my BPD. (Which I havent told them I have but their roommate who follows my blog knows and mentioned it in front of them, and they also follow my blog)
I dont know I'm just kind of freaking out because I feel like I might be falling really hard for them but I'm just...confused and scared. The Love word is one I use very hesitantly bc every time I use it people leave and I'm just kinda ~panic~
I've been notoriously bad at dating. I'm on the aromantic spectrum and in the past the only people I've felt strong enough attraction to to want to date are my FPs, which was incredibly toxic. I dated someone I didnt fancy at all to make my ex-FP jealous, he led me on, lied to me, manipulated me, ended up fucking the person I had dated (after we broke up), and then told me to never speak to him again. So there's that, which adds to the intense fear of abandonment/replacement.
Another thing that worries me was the idea that I could only be romantically attracted to my FPs (i'm soft-romo attracted to my current one, but we've decided not to date). The person I'm currently dating (3 months, go me!!) is lovely but not a FP. I care about them deeply but half the time I'm worried I'm faking my emotions and half the time I'm worried they are and are gonna leave me because I'm Too Much. (they're very internal, i'm very external).
I don't really know where I was going with this but basically there's a shitton of baggage and this is A. my longest relationship to date and B. my first relationship while being aware of my BPD. (Which I havent told them I have but their roommate who follows my blog knows and mentioned it in front of them, and they also follow my blog)
I dont know I'm just kind of freaking out because I feel like I might be falling really hard for them but I'm just...confused and scared. The Love word is one I use very hesitantly bc every time I use it people leave and I'm just kinda ~panic~