(abandonment cw, i guess? i'm not really sure what this falls under)
so i have these two friends, and i consider them pretty close friends, and we're not long-distance friends or anything (well, they both live in nyc, and i live in nj, so maybe they think of me as long-distance? but like i work in the city every day ... )
and i guess i probably don't talk to people (in general, not just them) as much as one should. i kind of submerge myself in tv shows and non-reality and just forget people exist.
but like we hang out on weekends every few weeks or so and we text/IM each other meaningless fun shit a lot
and today i got snapchats from both of them at around the same time and they're both suddenly in norway? like apparently they're there for vacation for a week and like. i probably couldn't have gotten out of work anyway but i feel like it would've been nice to be like "oh yeah we're planning on going to _____, you probably can't come but do you want to?" or at the very least been like "hey we're doing this"
but now i'm just getting snapchats from them having fun and did i do something to make them hate me i don't understand
help me feel better lol .-.
Last Edit: Jan 20, 2016 15:12:09 GMT by jigglypuff
Gosh this happens to me a lot (for someone who doesn't really split on people lol). Two of my closest friends often go on holiday with each other and I always feel left out, even though they know (and I know) that I hate being away from home. It's ridiculous but what can you do.
It might have been a spontaneous thing on their part, or conversely they might have been planning it for a long time (possibly before you guys were friends!). Or maybe, like my friends, they understand that you might prefer some distance (such as watching tv shows rather than going out). This might be a wrong assumption on their part, but it's a possibility. There could be a lot of reasons for them going to Norway without mentioning it- do they have a shared relative/friend there? They might not have wanted you to feel left out if they were going for a specific person/reason. Don't know if any of this feels better but thought I'd at least offer some alternative explanations. You're going to feel what you're feeling regardless of whether it's an overreaction, so yes you do have the right to be upset.
It could also be that they didn't want to burden you with an obligation to spend money? My friends do all kinds of things without me, most of which cost money (like traveling), but I am usually told about and invited to things which cost less or are free. They know I'm below the poverty line, so they probably feel like assholes inviting me to things like traveling overseas or getting a season pass to Six Flags.
Also, I'm an extrovert, and I have a lot of introverted (and anxious and avoidant) friends. Some of which I know will decline when I decide to throw a big party at my place, so I figure it's best not to stress them out? Like my friend with AVPD, I know she's said before that she hates parties, so I don't invite her to mine. Not because I don't enjoy her company, but because I know for a fact being invited to big parties can be triggering for her because she feels obligated to go but never wants to, which can lead to her feeling uncomfortable if she does, and uncomfortable if she doesn't.
Not that I know your friends or your circumstances lol, but those are just some examples! I feel like if your friends hated you, they wouldn't be sending you snapchats.
so according to another mutual friend of ours, they knew about this trip and they've been planning it for over a month, and i've been friends with the two of them for like... one of them 2 years, the other like a decade (she's an old internet friend but i guess we only met in person like 3-4 years ago?)
like i can almost understand them not inviting me, but i just find it really hurtful that they wouldn't even mention it to me... like maybe they just forgot to tell me, but that doesn't make me feel any better lol, just makes me feel like a pointless person.
i've been invited to go on vacation (visiting her extended family in california) with the one i've been friends with longer earlier in 2015, and she invited the other friend too but that one couldn't make it that time. so maybe she was just making it up to her with this trip? but i still don't understand why they wouldn't tell me!
and mea i guess you're probably right that they wouldn't have even bothered sending me snapchats if they didn't like me? i guess my first reaction was "why is THIS the first time i'm hearing about this, are you just trying to rub it in my face that you hate me?" >_<
at the very least i feel like i should "confront" them about this but i have no idea how, because on top of being bad at confrontation, now i have to talk to TWO people at once hahaha
so in the meantime i've been vagueblogging on tumblr about how everyone hates me which is pretty maladaptive and they're both ignoring those posts (they've been interacting with our other friends' posts but not mine oops)
Just keep in mind that your fears of them hating you are totally valid feelings! Even if they don't actually hate you, that doesn't make your feelings wrong. You have every right to be upset, and if it'll make you feel better to ask them about it and explain why you were hurt, you should absolutely bring it up! Just don't lash out at them or anything. Just explain yourself and how these things made you feel, especially since you were out of the loop about it. They most likely didn't do it to intentionally hurt you, but I know if I was on their end, I'd want to know if I was doing something to hurt someone I care about.
I know I was late, but I was going to say basically what Mea said. You can overexaggerate and it's still okay to be upset, feelings are valid and they're okay - the more you tell yourself that it's bad that you're feeling that, the worse off you'll get.
Secondly, yes, they definitely do still like you! Experience has taught me that very few people pretend to like someone, most people can't be bothered with that! So I'd definitely just try to explain how it made you feel and why you were upset, as calmly as possible - and let them know that you would appreciate being invited to anything in the future even if you decline.
(hi i finally talked things out with my friends a few weeks ago and for some anxiety reason i've been avoiding this whole forum, but i just wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone who offered advice here! sorry if this is a weird post, i just really appreciate people helping out ;_; )