My Therapist Doesn't Think I'm "Sick Enough" for BPD?

Anonymous asked: i know this has sort of been answered b4 but my therapist refers to me as having "borderline tendencies," acknowledges my symptoms, etc. however, he won't diagnose me because i am apparently not severe enough when compared to their other bpd patients who have attempted suicide at a younger age than i have. i have a lot of problems with competition and comparing myself to others, and i feel invalidated and like i need to be more "severe" to be taken seriously and idk what 2 do. i feel like fake??

Answer: People like your therapist are the reason I have anger issues! (I’m going to rant a bit here because your therapist is capital ‘w’ Wrong.)

You are not fake, anon. The mindset of thinking someone has to be “severe” enough to be taken seriously is incredibly toxic. Being told your condition isn’t bad enough usually results in one of two outcomes: 1) You never seek treatment, and then your symptoms get even worse because you’re not being treated. (Sometimes, you NEVER seek treatment because of memories of being invalidated in the past.) 2) You feel pressured into “proving yourself” and put yourself in danger to get a point across. Like an “Oh, I’m not sick enough? *self-harms* How about now?”

Neither of those options are good! I’m sorry, y’all, but being told “You’re not sick enough” is not gonna make me be like “Oh, thank God I’m Normal™ :)” It’s going to make me feel like garbage.

You’re going through a rough time. Clearly! And if your therapist doesn’t think you have a full diagnosis of BPD, then there are other ways to clarify that. They can tell you, “I don’t think you have BPD, but you definitely have some symptoms. Here is what I think you actually have, and here’s what we’re going to work on.”

And honestly, I don’t care if someone has four personality disorders, “borderline tendencies,” PTSD, or situational depression. Having a mental disorder is hard to deal with and always needs to be taken seriously. None of this “not sick enough” crap. You don’t have BPD? You still deserve to be taken seriously.

Another note: Nowhere in the diagnostic criteria does it say your first suicide attempt needs to be at a young age. ??? People have different experiences. Some people have fewer suicide attempts because they have better coping methods, but that doesn’t mean the symptoms of the intense need to die is any less severe. It’s not a required symptom anyway. About 30% of people with BPD don’t attempt suicide at all.

That being said, there are all sorts of reasons a therapist may not want to give you a full diagnosis. It could be a health insurance issue, it could be to protect you and ensure you get treatment (since some clinics don’t accept patients with personality disorders), it could be because you’re exhibiting enough symptoms of multiple disorders that they feel a primary diagnosis isn’t going to help your treatment, or it could be they feel another diagnosis fits you better. (Look into other personality disorders.) This isn’t to say I do or don’t think you have BPD, just that these may be other reasons your therapist isn’t diagnosing you. Although their comment about your not being “sick enough” is still pretty gross for the reasons I stated above. Even if you don’t meet the full criteria for BPD, you still deserve to be taken seriously.

This whole mindset of who has it “worse” or “better” is completely unhelpful anyway. Mental health exists on a spectrum, not a sliding scale of “worse” or “better.” Something I have difficulty with, you may do just fine, and vice versa.

-Mea